|
| Somehow I feel that I can never fully be able to explain the events of the past two months let's just say I've had ups and downs, although it seems as if the downs outweigh the ups. I'm just going through life day by day on a SSDD philosophy. (Same Stuff Different Day). Its like the drama free life I've been searching for over the past few months has finally come to me and I'm living it.these days but it is just mind numbing bordem day after day. With the exception of this week, I've been living life as a mindless drone of a man working from shift to shift, finding time for fun, friends, and sleep whenever I can. That was until this week.
It was just the greatest week ever. Starting Monday, when I recieved a called from the office (which I somehow still work at) leaving a message saying that I've lost a client. I was so excited I couldn't find time to blog this moment. Ok well, I've just hit a point in my drunkeness (oh yeah I'm off the wagon now) where I feel like I can't coherently finish saying anything now. (I really hope I'm making sense right now) I'd drink coffee now but of course I'd be wide awake and obnoxious. (I'm also off the coffee wagon also). Long story short, Today was just the worse day ever of the worse week ever, and I've been through so much that I'm physically out of it I must end this now.
-Cheers
Hugs and Kiss (XO)
P.S. This is me pushing The movie Hairspray on you guys. (It's awesome)
| | |
| Hey Xoggers, I just wanna say
first and foremost thanks for the prayers, calls, and thoughts from
friends, co-workers, and others. It really meant a lot to me its just
been a long hard and dark week and I'm just gratefull to have such
wonderful people in my life that I can depend on.
With that being said, as
Disney makes tens of millions of dollars a day for the next week or so
in the form of the new Pirates movie, in the midst of all this
crazyness, I'm taking a change in my life (hopefully for the better),
well come to think of it, two changes, first, from her on out, (or at
least until the end of this entry) my blogs will be less, uh
melancholy. Funny story I ran into an old friend of mine I went to
high school with who just happens to catch the blog, and she, (very
bluntly) told me that almost every entry bums her out. I thought she
was joking, she wasn't, it got akward, yada yada. A few days later
someone else mentions it also. So here's to optimism. Cheers.
I take a sip of my decaf
coffee, just terrible. Its only redeeming factor is the insane amount
of Filbert (aka hazelnut - a little ff (fun fact) for you) creamer.
Also someone brought Atlanta Bread Company cinammon rolls (which are
doing a number on my figure, but its a pecan roll and the weekend, a
holiday weekend I mean come on). Wow, look at me justifying eating a
freaking pecan cinammon bun. I only did it because the bagels at the
ABC are just, to be extra harsh, a culinary abortion. So I'm just
hanging out a job #2 after a meeting at my desk (well its not "just" my
desk, per se, I share it with another person in the program with me,
but she's out of town for the weekend so...ok I'm just wondering how
she got out of missing this mornings meeting). So I'm updating my blog
here as opposed to at home mostly because I won't be able to do it at
home, something will distract me.
At 1300 (1pm) I have my first
day at job #3 which is Regal, or Regeal not sure how to spell it. So I
gotta go through the training part and yada, yada, yada. Long story
short, uh I got nothing, usually someone says something after long
story short, but a blank is drawn in my mind, see, nothing good comes
out of drinking decaf.
Well previously on my blog, I
was dealing with the anger portion of my grieving and it seem like on
Wednesday, anything that could have gone wrong did go wrong. But, one
fell swoop and I don't mean to sound like a cliche, but man what a
difference a day makes. The past two days have been, I can't explain
just how great the past two days have been. Thursday, work was great
(ok hang on a sec, I have breaking news, I have a second part to that
previous long story short, you ready, long story short, I'm actually
ready for work today, mainly because I'll be out by 1600 (4pm) we now
return you to the rant already in progress) ok so Thursday work was
pretty great and then it was a payday which plussed it. Afterwards, I
went on a road trip with a, well I would call this person a friend but
for funsies let's call this person someone I work with and had a thing
for some time now (not saying that it is). And I just lost two readers
for being cryptic again.
So Thursday's road trip gave
me a chance to have a good discussion with said person, and essentially
brought us a little closer together. I really think there could be a
future for me and this person. Random thought #1: If you haven't yet I
recommend listening to Maroon 5's New album, "It Won't Be Soon Before
Long" its easy listening, very nice. So nice little Thursday. Friday
was one of the smoothest days at the Big Chick I've had in a long
time. Then last night I went out with a friend to the Vista, haven't
been there in a while. Ok its like noon now and I need to wrap this
up, drive home, change and get to work in an hour, I love these lazy
Saturdays.
Ok so I'm getting my social
life or what's left of it back these days, I'm gonna have a great
weekend, hang out with some friends and another inspiring third thing.
Ok I gotta go.
-Cheers
Xavier O'Neal
P.S. On the next entry I give a few reasons why now is a great time to invest in either Wal-Mart or Dell.
| | |
| Oh what a dark day it was today, for some reason it felt easier to
get mad at the any and everything I came into contact with. Long story
short, I did not like myself today. I guess I've really grieving now,
and I'm now at the anger stage. Apparently I'm wearing my anger on my
shoulders. It just really miss my uncle. It really affecting my work,
and I guess I'll be ok over time, the worse part of the whole thing is
that I can't even go to the funeral because its on Friday, and I have
to go to two of my jobs that day, and I can't get off. (Although I did
get sent home early from job #2 today) So for the people who felt that
I was excessively bitter, yes bitter, and sarcastic today I apologize.
Not for doing it but because you fell that way. I had to let it out
somehow.
Anyway, for the ones that I've been extra unpleasant to in the past
few days, I only did it because I'm greiving and because you probably
deserved it (wow, well...its probably true) Uh anyway, I'm coming to
the realization that even though I'm not in school over the summer, and
have a little more time on my hands, maybe three jobs is too much. I'm
looking over my schedule for two of my jobs for next week, and I'm
never gonna get my social life back or even just some time to sit and
think about life, or just have even five minutes for myself. It seems
that the reasons for me staying at one of my jobs is wearing thin, and
as mush as I may one day regret this decision, somethings gotta give.
I mean does anyone know how hard it is to have a life, and meet
someone working 70+ hours a week. Here's the worse part, I don't even
need to work as much anymore, I haven't even cashed my last paycheck
yet and I get another one tomorrow. My money goes directly into
savings. I don't know. I guess in middle of everything I went through
today, I have no Idea how these next twelve weeks, but if this is a
glimpse of things to come, I'm in for a (lack of a better phrase)
shitstorm.
-Here's to life
Xavier O'Neal
So to sum up:
*People suck
*I'm Super P.O.ed
*TFU
Cheers
| | |
| I know its been a while since
I've been blogging regularly, but, its seems like I'm going through an
emotional ringer every week. I was orinally going to speak on how its
been 28 Days since a certain event happened that changed me, and give
an update on what I've been doing and how I've been dealing with my
grief. Unfortunately, I just recieved some bad news. A very close
relative of mine died today in New Jersey, an uncle of mine, and right
now, I'm just trying to be strong for my grandparents now, but I still
keeps my previous lost fresh in my mind. I don't know..I want to say
something else and everything is going to be ok over time, but I
remember just 28 days ago people were telling me the same thing, which
made it ok to know that people are there, but to be honest for a while,
you just want stay in the moment of grief for a while. Anyways here's
to you uncle.
Here's to the future
-Xavier O'Neal | | |
| I'm lost, and I have no idea what to do next. Seventeen days has passed since my last entry, so much has happened to me and quite frankly, I hit my max. I don't mean like this is the "hey I got burnout with work, school, and attempt of a social life", but let's just say that an event, that I would never imagine happening in my life has happened, and I just didn't or still don't know what to do. Fourteen days ago, something happened to me, well no "to me" but I'm directly effected by it. While what I'm saying right now may not make any sense to you right now may not make any sense to anyone right now except a hand full of people close to me who know of what I'm speaking of, I'm still just not ready to talk about it more or less write about. I've just never felt so alone in my life, I can't even continue this entry so I'll quit while I still have you confused.
They say time heals all, I guess I'm just gonna see how the clock heals me. I've heard that phrase or some version of that phrase so many times in the past two weeks, that instead of getting closer to some form of normalcy I'm being unintentionally pushed into a corner not by others but even myself. I'm in a way, for lack of a better phrase, I'm staying in the grief of what's happened, while others are trying to talk to me from a relatable point but although their attempts are genuine unless they've gone through what I've been through which is a possibility, its still not the same. I'm lost, and I have no idea what to do next.
-Cheers
Xavier O'Neal
| | |
|
